Snap!

Now if I could find a blind guy to lead me around the metaphor would be complete.

Good evening folks. I hope you all have had a pleasant weekend so far. Mine was actually going really well up until last night.

So many exciting things were going on. GarageBand arrived and produced many hours of entertainment. Graduate applications became a thing of the past. My favorite Merlot was on sale, and I finally rented the first season of The Family Guy. Life was Beautiful.

And then it happened. I'm not sure what caused it exactly. One second everything was fine, I was sitting on the couch, laughing hysterically with my girlfriend by my side, and then suddenly I couldn't see anymore. Everything became a blurry haze, all without warning.

My glasses had broken. Okay, the above situation is moderately fabricated. Obviously the frames did not snap merely by sitting on my face. (I'm not sure how that would be possible... unless maybe I was allergic to bee stings and was attacked by a swarm. Maybe then.) No, rather I was simply putting them on. Yup, that was it. Just putting them on my face. Like I've done every day for the past three years or so. I imagine, that after years of wear and tear the frames just couldn't take it anymore. I did learn something in that moment, though. Apparently there was a bit of tension in these frames, for the right lens flung itself outward as though tasting freedom for the first time in its feeble, but scratch-resistant existence.

At that moment everything stopped. I couldn't see anymore. To give you an idea of how nearsighted I am, extend your arm out and look at your wrist. That's about the point when things start getting blurry for me. (I'm sure it has nothing to do with the copious amount of time I spend bloggin... nah.) While I may not technically be blind (or even remotely close for that matter), it is still difficult to accomplish much of anything if you can see clearly for more than a few feet.

The downside to this (aside from the obvious) is that I wasn't really sure if I had any backup vision correction accessories. So I hauled my butt back to the dorm in the really cold weather to investigate. Again, normally this wouldn't be too big a deal, but remember, I can't see more than a few feet away, so searching for anything can be a little difficult. Heck, I've spent several minutes looking for my glasses, which I know that I have. How am I supposed to find something that I'm not sure even exists? Good question.

First, I knew that I didn't have a second pair of glasses. That would have been smart, and thus not fitting with my modus operandi. Therefore I had to search for contacts. Shouldn't be a problem, right? Well, to quote a commercial, "Not exactly." Since I made the switch to glasses, I hadn't gotten any contacts. "Who needs 'em?" I figured. Well, that was three years ago. So basically I was looking for contacts that I didn't ever use that would have had to gone with me on several different moves. I've lived in six different places since then, so by this point my hopes were dwindling.

But what was this? Were these contacts? In an unopened box? Could it be true? (Do these things have an expiration date?) No matter, I was saved! Now all I have to do is get these things on.

Problem. You see, when you haven't worn contacts for a few years, it is as though you have never worn them at all. And let me tell you, my eyes were none too happy about being poked and prodded. Oh, and by some weird coincidence I also had a contact case and plenty of lens solution. See, not throwing stuff away worked for once! Now what on earth am I going to do with this one random Jenga block.

(I'd like to pretend like I didn't actually have a solitary Jenga block lying around, but after a few seconds of searching it was easily the most random thing in my drawer. Um, moving on.)

Well, contacts may not be comfortable, but at least I can see now. Well, at least I thought I might be able to. You see, when I first put them in my eyes were watering so much that I couldn't really see well anyway. That eventually stopped, though, but things were not that improved. Improved from the crying, that is. It was still a vast improvement over my previous condition. Now everything is just kinda blurry. For those of you who know much about eye prescriptions, these contacts are about .75 diopters too weak. No matter, anything was an improvement. I still couldn't exactly drive, though.

Now there's the problem. My first grad school audition is Friday, and it's in Nebraska. That means I'm going to have to drive for several hours the night before. (It also means blogging may be sporadic on Thursday and Friday.) Can I get these glasses repaired? Can I just put these lenses in another frame? Will I make it to my grad school audition? What ever happened to Sally Struthers anyway?

You may just have to wait until tomorrow to find out. Bwa ha ha ha ha.

(See, interesting things on this magnitude do not occur that frequently. I figure I better spread it out a bit then. You know, cover up the bare spots?)

Thought for the Day

A friend of mine said this yesterday. "That way it wouldn't be bad if someone walks in on you accidentally naked." (Sorry, explaining the context would make it entirely unfunny.)

Now, of course she meant "That way it wouldn't be bad if someone accidentally walks..." but instead I was left to ponder how one could become "accidentally naked."

This I did not understand. My initial reaction was that alcohol was probably involved. (Liquid panty remover I heard it called once.) But even then, it is not necessarily accidental, just a really bad idea. So, that's your assignment. Figure out how you could find yourself accidentally naked.

(No no no no no. Put your pants back on. You're supposed to imagine a situation, not enact. Sheesh, didn't your mother teach you anything about manners?)