Except without the jungle gym, or physical players, and this one has judges...you get the idea.
Well, ladies and gentlemen, it seems that the next round of the King of the Blogs tournament has officially begun. Continuing with the tradition of shameless self promotion, I get to answer a Challenge Question if I am to make it into the Thrifty Three. Um, so unlike the NCAA Basketball tournament, I am unable to come up with a nice alliteration. Sigh. Perhaps then, given my recent failure at literary supremacy, I think I will hand things over to everyone's favorite guest writer, Thor Testosticlese, God of Thunder. Take it away Thor.
*ahem*
First, before the Mighty Thor can answer the question, the question must be itself presented, behold!
We all know flattery works, well it does at the King of the Blog Tournament also. Your job is to write an advertising piece that includes reasons to visit each of the judges and the host, and why you feel as King of the Blogs you can help them each get more hits and readers. Also pointing out why your worthy adversaries are not able to do this would be advised.
Well, thankfully the Mighty Thor is not beyond shameless self-promotion and flattery (or talking in the third person), so let's get right down to business.
Advertisement:
People of Earth. I do not often find it necessary to communicate to you directly, but this is an urgent matter that requires your utmost attention. The internet is a vast wasteland of inane drivel and useless opinions, but I am here to say that gems can be found. Indeed, the gems that sparkle most brightly are those closely associated with the King of the Blogs Tournament. While most cretins are willing to suffocate the Information Superhighway with despicable excuses for web sites, the King of the Blogs and associated Judges have displayed the highest capacity for intelligent and humorous writing.
As God of Thunder, I promise that your displayed devotion to these sites will be reciprocated with plentiful rains upon your harvest fields. Your family will rise in social and financial status as the fruits of your labor are multiplied beyond what anyone has ever witnessed.
Woe to you who ignore these sites! Your lands will be consumed with drought, relieved only with sufficient floods as to destroy your livelihood. Your children will also be frightened tremendously by my awesome thunder, and your dogs will howl incessantly, driving you and your household to madness. Woe is he that does not heed my advice, for he shall be smoted with all my wrath!
Thor Testosticlese has spoken!
End Advertisement.
Well, if that was perhaps not enough to convince you that I would serve you best as the King of the Blogs, perhaps it would behoove me to illustrate a few more points.
First of all, you should note that the humble author of this site, Andy Lee, has sent the second most visitors to the King of the Blogs website. He is second, of course, only to ChristWeb, but I am sure with a little coaxing of Andy (and a little smiting on the other end), he will quickly become the top referrer to your site.
Secondly, his readers are most devoted fans, who will willingly spread the news about your site, essentially earning you, the benefactor, an exponential return on your investment. You may look at his little site and say that surely, with the few number of visitors that he receives, that he could not possibly do well as the King of the Blogs! Again, I say to you, realize that his hits do not derive themselves from random google searches, but are truly representative of his fan base. Also, he is still young, but with his humor and wit (and help from yours truly), I have no doubt that he will soon eclipse the blogging power of his competitors.
Third, I doubt that the other competitors are really even honestly sending visitors to your sites. I noticed on one particular site (and I dare not name names) that the link back to the King of the Blogs was actually something about a particular Hilton sister performing lewd and unholy acts. Imagine their disappointment when instead of carnal satisfaction, they find intelligent discussion and healthy competition. This would obviously give them a negative opinion of your site, something I am sure that none of you desire.
I think I have made my point very clearly, and expect that you will act wisely. The wisdom of the Judges is great and should be envied by all. A thousand blessings on you and your household.
Thor Testosticlese, God of Thunder
In the preceding advertisement and promotion, and the promises therein, the Walking Stick character, Thor Testosticlese, God of Thunder, was the speaker. While the intent of the aforementioned advertisement is true, it should be noted by the reader that Thor is neither a deity nor possesses any supernatural powers. The reader assumes all risk in believing the preceding advertisement and the author retains the right to revoke said advertisement with proper notification to the King of the Blogs website and its affiliates.
Thanks Thor, I appreciate the gesture. Well folks, you heard him, head on over to the King of the Blogs, unless of course you enjoy a good smoting.
On a different note, I will be doing some traveling this following week, but will do my best to update from the road.
Have a pleasant evening, everyone.
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