November 2003 Archives

Do you know where your children are?

Ah yes, tomorrow is Thanksgiving. The day where American's do little more than eat as much Turkey, Stuffing, Potatoes, Green Beans, Dessert as they possibly can. It is also the day where the most devoted New Year's Resolvers effectively destroy over ten months of good eating habits and exercise. To you I would ask, "was it worth it?"

Something I've wondered about, though, is what do those silly vegetarians do for Thanksgiving? Oh sure, they can enjoy their Tofurkey, but something tells me that isn't quite the same. After all, here in America we like to take our national holidays and condense them into the essentials.

New Years - Drinking, staying up to an arbitrary time when the next day officially begins.

Easter - Candy, a bunny, dressing up for pictures.

Memorial Day/Labor Day - Both the same thing...driving, swimming, probably some drinking.

Independence Day* - Fireworks, drinking (boy, there's a brilliant idea).

Halloween - Candy, dressing up for different reasons, Easter's disturbed cousin.

Thanksgiving - Turkey, football, napping.

Christmas - A fat guy, waking up way too damn early, gifts, egg nog.

Oh, I'm sure there are a few more in there, like Flag Day, but no one really has any idea what the heck that is.

I forgot, this rambling kind of had a point (work with me here). When you take away turkey from Thanksgiving, what's left? You still have football, but I mean, c'mon, if you are a vegetarian are you going to like football? I didn't think so. And napping? That was from eating way the heck too much, but I don't think that's humanly possible to do with Tofurkey. I don't even think most people could reach mildly full.

Not that there's anything wrong with being a vegetarian...

So what does a Thanksgiving dinner look like for our household? Well, I'm glad you asked. You see, we get to avoid the joy that is getting together with all sorts of extended family. The nearest family we have is at least a four hour drive away, and we don't talk to them much. The next closest family is about eight hours. This means that we basically have Thanksgiving to ourselves. In years past we've had some family come into town, but never more than a family. This, I think, is a good way to do Thanksgiving. How many people can honestly handle most all of their extended family at the same time. I think it's better to spread it out, makes things much less stressful. Others, however, may want to get it all over at once, like ripping off a band-aid, which I can understand. Tomorrow, though, it'll just be the family, and friend of my brothers, but she doesn't count.

Ah, but unfortunately I will be spending this break without my girlfriend. This marks the longest time we've been apart since we've started dating. *Sniffle*

Don't worry about me, though. There's plenty of alcohol and food to be had tomorrow. I'll be fiiiiiiiiine.

Well, folks, I think that'll do it for tonight. Here's wishing you all a happy Thanksgiving.

Thought for the Day

Mmm...Turkey.

*I normally would have inserted a joke about America kicking England's arse in that war (despite our small margin of victory), but since two of the blogs that link to me are from the UK, I thought I'd avoid that. Of course, knowing how you guys feel about this guy, I'll let you think about that while we take a nap.

What, just because I'm white I can't quote Outkast?
Oh, I didn't realize that. It won't happen again.

Well folks, I decided to follow the lead of Charlie and get inspiration for my post in the shower.

Note to self: Don't follow Charlie's example...ever.

So today I'm going to talk to you about...showering. (I never was an imaginative kid.) To be somewhat more specific, though, I thought I'd talk to you about water temperature.

If you are like me, water temperature is incredibly important, nay, essential to a quality shower. When confronted with a new shower, which usually accompanies moving or vacationing, I spend a great deal of time learning how to fine tune the water temperature. After a few trials runs, I can usually become successful I turning to roughly the exact temperature desired without having to really test the water.

There are a few problems with this, however. You see, some showers are not as cooperative as others, and I thought it would be amusing to highlight some of the...um...highlights. (You're one groovy baby...baby.)

The Delayed Reaction - This is one of the most annoying showers that exists. When the faucet is turned, there is little response. You wait, test the water again, still no change. So, being the impatient person that you are, you turn the knob a little further in the direction desired. Unfortunately, the water is just beginning to adjust to the first turn of the knob, and will shortly thereafter arrive at the unbearable second adjustment. (Do you follow me so far?) This delayed reaction from the water is unbearable.

Of course, the problem can also occur with washing one's hands in the sink. You adjust the faucet to the desired temperature, and then you have to go and actually do the hand washing. During this period of time, the water is gradually becoming hotter, until by the time you go to rinse off your hands, the water is now scalding. This little surprise is usually accompanied by cursing and/or screaming like a little girl. (If you are me, more towards the latter.)

Coarse Adjustment Control - This shower beast is also quite difficult to work with. The problem here is that the turn of the temperature control knob does not necessarily induce a temperature change. Indeed, a moderately substantial turn is necessary to facilitate change at all. This of course, results in over-adjustment, and you are left fighting with the knob trying to get it to make the slightest adjustments. In the end, you fail.

Variable Temperature Control - This is pretty much the opposite of the above problem. Here, the water temperature will change on whim, you are left out of the equation entirely. The irony, is that this change will range from a few brief seconds to full minutes, but is also accompanied by a return to the original temperature (sometimes, but not always). The problem here is that when the water suddenly becomes scalding/freezing you tend to change your temperature setting. Unfortunately, when the water decides to return to normal behavior, you've now adjusted it to the other extreme. Now, this wouldn't be so bad if the duration of change were consistent. In that case, you could simply step out of the water and wait however long for the water to return to normal. This never happens. What usually happens is that the temperature change is very brief the first few times, causing you to over-adjust. When you finally decide to wait it out, though, you end up waiting for a few minutes, only to adjust it manually anyway and get scalded/frozen on the other side.

Whew! Clearly showering is too great a hassle and should be avoided entirely.

Thought for the Day

What is the deal with the term "smarty-pants?" I can understand "smart-ass." In that scenario you are saying that the person is smart, but is being a real ass about the situation. The same connotation can be applied to "smarty-pants," in which case you are saying that the person is smart, but is really acting like pants about the whole situation...

See my dilemma?

OK, so Gary of Terreus informed me that I have a problem that looks something like this. So I'm going back to the old look temporarily until I figure out what that is all about.

Incoherency be damned!

Well, I hope you guys and gals like the changes I've made around the place. At first I considered completely rewriting the template from scratch, but then I realized that I could do a lot by simply editing what I already had. Of course, as I already mentioned, I had basically never done anything with CSS before, so figuring it all out was a little time-consuming, but still fun. Well, I shouldn't say that I actually figured it out, I just figured out what did what and how to change it. I couldn't exactly write this stuff from scratch.

See, this is part of my problem. I tend to take on enormous projects. One such project, which can be found here, was making my own internet radio station. Now, at this point I only had a basic working knowledge of html and little else. So I had to first of all figure out how I was going to set up the server, get around the ports the campus blocks, develop a playlist, DJ between pieces, come up with a few promos, design a webpage, learn some basic java script, etc. A fairly large undertaking for someone with little background knowledge on the subject. The result, as you could tell if you clicked the link, is largely incomplete. Well, actually, all the pieces are basically in place, the only problem is that my hard drive is almost full, and that's after deleting the multiple days worth of classical music. That, and I never got around to recording the intros to each piece. The good news is that the knowledge I gained was implemented practically with my Junior Recital Stream over there on the right. Who knows, maybe over break I'll be able to have a full-blown classical station linked over there.

But like I said, I tend to take on enormous projects when I have some free time. I'm not quite sure what my problem is.

Ok, this is going to have to be short. (I know, after spending a month in absence I'm already cutting my time short. Understand, though, that I'll have oodles of free time over break to catch up on things, and whenever family gets together, you know that's going to be quality material for blog entries.) I will however, give you one of the topics I have on stand-by.

Great feelings. I was thinking yesterday and today about what some of the best feelings there are. (Remember folks, I'm a virgin, so this is going to be fairly tame.)

Curling up by the fire listening to good music. This unfortunately hasn't happened for a while, but man is that nice. For me, nothing quite does it like Brahm's Fourth Symphony, but I'm sure you have your own personal tastes.

Sipping fine wine that perfectly compliments the meal. This could be a Wyndham Estate Cabernet Sauvignon with a medium rare steak, or a Thierry and Guy Chardonnay with shrimp and cocktail sauce.

Slipping under a warm blanket after coming in from the cold. I think that one speaks for itself.

Falling asleep after a long day, knowing that you don't have to get up the next day...at all. Thanksgiving break cannot come quickly enough.

So that's just a few that I thought of. I'm sure there are plenty more. Of course, enjoying the company of your significant other ranks right in with the rest of 'em, and the aforementioned good times are only enhanced when sharing the moment.

Wow. Here I was hoping that by posting in this moderately incoherent state I would be even more humorous (or at least random) than usual. Instead, this post turned into one big Kodak moment.

Um...

Ah screw it, I'll just have to be funny tomorrow.

Thought of the Day

This is a fantastic article I came across, and I think everyone should read it. For those of you who love or hate those like Al Franken and Bill O'Reilly, it has the potential to be eye opening for both sides.

Hey folks. In case you haven't noticed, I've decided to go with a whole new color scheme. I also spent more time in a CSS crash course than I anticipated. I do have a wonderful list of topics to hit you with tomorrow, though, so have no fear.

Until then, goodnight.

(Oh, and tell me what you think of the new design.)

Yay! This little blog has reached 1,000 hits in just under four months!

Congratulations to our 1,000th visitor, who hails from Harlow, England (at least if this site can be trusted). He or she was directed here by the friendly Gary Skinner of Terreus. Thanks!

Now if our lucky winner will please identify themselves so that they may receive a prize*!

*Prize may or may not be tangible.

Of course, that statement is rarely not true.

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I'm gradually making some changes to the format of this site. I've added some links, made a little mini-internet radio station featuring...me, and will hopefully get a new picture of myself to put up here. I'm also trying a new tag line...that may be a temp until I can come up with a better one. Perhaps something that's more appropriate to the site's title.

Which reminds me, I bet most of you don't realize why my site is called "Walking Stick." Sure, I do really enjoy hiking, but that isn't the primary reason. Perhaps it is somewhat because I like the metaphor as my blog being an aid to your daily life. (Um...I of course mean in the sense that my humor can help you get through a boring day, not that you should every follow my advice or try to emulate my life. That would be a bad idea.) Actually, the reason I went with the title is that, well, I'm really tall and skinny. See, nothing terribly original, but I do enjoy it when a particular phrase can have so many different meanings. Consider yourself "in the know."

Right, as much fun as all of this is, I really should be practicing today. So far I've only got in about 1 1/2 hrs, which is paltry for a performance major. Especially considering that my senior recital is in two weeks.

(Ok, so the above was written at about 9:30 p.m.)

Mooooooving on.

So she found out about the blog. Bringing it up was pretty easy. She was planning on going to see a movie with some friends, but it didn't work out and she popped by here. Guess what I was doing at the time. Yup, writing this entry. Now, she didn't actually realize what I was doing, or even ask. In fact, I had to explain the entire concept of blogs. Good news is, she was really cool about the whole thing, even might join in pretty soon. Yay!

Oh, and that means you might just get to know her name. But I think I'll let her introduce herself. Something more to look forward to.

On to today. You see, I have a bit of a problem misplacing items. Actually, I pretty good with just about everything, except my car. I don't drive my car but maybe once a week (a lot of stuff is within easy walking distance of my dorm), so I often forget where it is. To make matters worse, I rarely drive over to my girlfriend's house, and when I do, I usually just walk home as usual. Brilliant, I know. Now, normally this would be just a minor issue, but I have this bumper sticker on my car that reads, "got brains?" So inevitably, anytime I do something stupid with my car, that immediately comes back to kick me in the butt. Any rudeness displayed on the road...bumper sticker for people to laugh at. Now, I haven't as of yet been pulled over in my lifetime (knocks on wood), but I know that the first thing out of that cops mouth will most certainly have something to do with that sticker.

Oh well, it's still totally worth it.

Thought for the Day

Today in speech class I heard a speech about how we should not celebrate Christmas until after Thanksgiving. Allow me to issue my resounding support of that sentiment. Christmas candy should not be in the aisles of Wal-Mart immediately following Halloween. C'mon man, I still haven't had my dose of turkey, football, and napping yet!

Oh, and here's another random thought. Did you guys know that Ben Franklin actually wanted the Turkey to be our national bird?

Two words: Dork On!

(Props on the whole electricity thing, though.)

Alas, my "one more thing" is no where near as cool as this guy's, but it is still pretty neat.

As the more perceptive of you may have noticed, I made a slight change under the "about me" section. There is now a link where you can listen to my Junior Recital. I just have it streaming from my computer, and the link itself will actually open up your default mp3 player and tune in.

Hopefully.

If someone tries it and it does or does not work, please let me know.

Your line is: riiiiiiiiiiiiiight

So, where did I leave off yesterday? Ah, the cool gym coach. Now, I say that he's the 'cool' gym coach, but in 6th grade I would have totally hated that guy. You see, I was what people call a "late bloomer." (Do people call guys that? The term seems much more appropriate with girls. Hmm...I'll have to ponder that thought and give you an answer later on.) Well, how should I put this? You see, I am a remarkably skinny guy. My BMI is right at the very bottom of the 'normal' range. Thankfully, I have my height working for me, but imagine the skinny kid in class, also shorter than everyone else, with below average athletic ability, and that was pretty much me. This gym coach would have made fun of me, and because I was in that awkward stage in my life, I probably would have cried...or wet myself...or both. (That only happened one time. My family had to move that embarrassment was so great ;)

Anyway, he asked us on Monday what game we liked to play. We said soccer or ultimate frisbee, so naturally when Wednesday rolled around, we played basketball. Yeah, our group is really bad at basketball. Oh sure, we have a few guys that can move with the ball pretty well, but no one can shoot worth anything. To make things more complicated, though, our coach threw in some fun rules. 1) You can't shoot until 3 passes have been made that possession and 2) You can't shoot from inside the paint. (You know, the little rectangles in this picture.) I'm pretty sure no one scored a basket for about ten minutes. It was truly pathetic.

On the plus side, I did make one cool play. Ok, so actually I was involved with one cool play, as I didn't exactly make the play myself. You see one of my teammates and I were running for a ball that was heading out of bounds, and he kinda of dove and managed to save it. Myself, being a split second behind him, did not touch the ball, but now had to attempt to not step on and/or trip over him. The ensuing tumble was not all that bad, although a nice patch of skin is missing from my forearm now. (I've been telling people that my arm caught fire I was playing the piano so quickly.)

(Man, wouldn't that be wicked cool? I mean, to see, not experience personally. Some guy is playing his guts out and suddenly his arms burst into flames.)

So how about I tell you more about the joy that is Lifetime Health and Fitness. We had to complete a diet analysis lab this week. This entailed tracking everything you eat for three days and then entering it all into this computer program. That is actually more tricky than it sounds, after all, how many cups of lettuce was that salad you had? So obviously this isn't totally accurate, but it isn't too bad either. Now in the course of these three days I didn't exactly eat what I would consider a 'healthy' diet. In fact, last Saturday night I had a snack that consisted of a Totinos Pizza (those things rule) and two beers. Well, the results of the analysis were rather surprising.

You see, I eat a remarkably healthy diet. Aside from not getting enough vitamin D or K, I'm getting more than enough of my vitamins and minerals. Also, I'm not apparently eating too many fatty foods, as the ratio of Calories from carbs/fat/protein was right within recommend ranges. Oh, here's the kicker, I averaged around 3400 Calories per day. Yeah. And I'm still as skinny as a rail. You can throw things at me now if you want, I'll understand.

This was quite possibly the worst thing that could have happened. If I had realized that my diet was ridiculously bad, then I perhaps would be motivated to change. But heck, if I can have a pizza and two beers every three days and still be good, then I can afford to splurge every now and then, right? Isn't that how this stuff works?

No?

Couldn't you at least let me live with my delusions for, I dunno, 3 freakin' seconds?

So what fun things happened today? Nothing. Seriously, finding out that Back to the Future 3 was on TV tonight was a big deal. Ok, pardon me while I digress to explain something before getting into my day.

As a piano performance major, I am also required to take 6 credit hours of a secondary instrument, which for me is voice. (Yes, voice counts, let's not get into that now.) Part of the absolute joy that is voice lessons are the required vocal events. Not only do I have to record my 'practice' and turn in this stupid sheet every week, I have to attend any recital that involves a vocalist. Ok, so not every freakin' recital, but it is usually in the neighborhood of 8-10 recitals a semester, which can blow. Oh, and one more thing about people who take lessons as their primary 'instrument,' they have to perform once in public each semester.

That all being said, tonight was one of these required vocal events. And this was not any normal event, oh no, this was is affectionately called the "lazy vocalists recital." (Personally I find that to be somewhat redundant.) It is called such because all the people who didn't do a performance can have one last shot at it. Therefore, I had to sit through 29 vocalists this evening. And these weren't even the good ones. Oh no! The good vocalists had already gotten their performances out of the way, so basically I was stuck listening to 1 hr and 45 mins of bad vocalists. That is not to say that everyone was terrible, but for the most part, I think I would have preferred completely organizing my dorm room to that.

Ugh.

On a completely different note, I have a question for y'all. How should I go about mentioning this little blog thing to my girlfriend. You see, I was kind of waiting for things to get solidified before I did, and they actually have been for a while. Then I figured that the blog was dying a slow and painful death, but here I am, back with a vengeance.

Actually, what I was thinking would be cool is if she joined in the frivolity that is this blog. I may be able to convince her to post every now and then...

So anyway, I guess that's two questions-

1) Do I tell her about the blog now, and if so, how?

2) Would you like to hear her thoughts about all the lies stories I tell on this site?

Thought for the Day

Someone please tell me this. If someone has a mediocre singing voice (that's being polite in some cases) and has real issues with stage fright, why on earth would you chose to be a vocal major? Anyone?

In which case maybe, maybe, someone will like this post.

Well, there were a couple of reasons I've decided to make a bit of a comeback of sorts. First of all, I noticed that my little site is about to pass 1,000 hits, so I thought it would be good if I was around for the occasion. Second, if I went an entire month without delighting my dozens and dozens (ok, so maybe dozen, if I'm lucky) fans, I would not be able to look at myself in the mirror. (Which is difficult enough as it is. Seriously, you don't want to see me in the morning...I make medusa envious. Right, so that's not entirely true either, after all, my hair doesn't move. That, and it is rather short, so worst case scenario really is waking up with a large zit on the end of my nose. That, thankfully, has not happened in quite a while. Although, now that I said that, I will. I can see tomorrow's post as I write...)

So what's been going on with me, you ask? Well, let me tell you...

Things have been a little different around here this past month. I've been really gearing up for my senior recital for one (December 6, 6:30 p.m. if you happen to be in the Kirksville, MO area). That means a more intense practice schedule. Of course, that's not really what you were asking about. No, all you people want to know is how things are with the violinist. No? You were more interested in just hearing me dish out some witty commentary on everyday life for your own amusement? Honestly, you people are so selfish.

Well, things with the violinist are going swimmingly, which is perhaps the largest explanation for my absence. You see, I'm a moderately busy guy. I'm not here to say I've got the busiest college schedule ever or anything, but easily enough to keep me occupied into the evening. So sometimes I don't get around to seeing my girlfriend until after 10:00 p.m., and after telling her the complete run-down of my day, I do not necessarily feel the urge to dispense it to the world. An alternative would be to save some of the best bits for you guys, but, um, that ain't happening anytime soon. I really like you guys (almost), but that would be pushing it.

But all of this is merely water under the bridge, as here I am, ready to dispense wisdom and wit in your general direction (hey, it's better than a fart.) (Ok, in case you didn't realize that was a movie reference, it was. I wasn't just being sick. No, I'm not going to tell you what the movie was, bwa ha ha ha ha. Just ask your nearest friend, they can probably tell you.)

(So I'm already noticing an interesting change in my writing style. There definitely seems to be a lot more interaction with the audience. Granted, that's impossible, as I'm here writing this in my dorm room and no one is around. That means that your interaction is entirely in my head (minus the delightful comments, of course), and I'm pretty sure that can be diagnosed and treated. Or maybe just diagnosed and lobotomized.)

On to some stories. So I may have mentioned at one point or another that I'm in this delightful class called "Lifetime Health and Fitness," which is apparently a brilliant collegiate euphemism for "Gym + Health Class, all rolled into one giant ball of suck." (Hmm...I should get that copyrighted.) The 'class' meets four days a week, twice for lecture, twice for workouts. For the workouts you get some measure of choice, e.g. weights or nautilus for one half of the semester, running, aerobics, or swimming the other half. For the final half of my semester I chose the running option (which is deceptively called walk/jog). It isn't too bad, for one day a week we do running exercise, the other day...sports!

Well, our normal 'instructor' was absent this last week as she had to attend some sort of conference or something. You know, like, "Conference for people who couldn't earn a real masters degree" or something like that. (Oh man, that was harsh. See, it's actually 1:47 a.m. so the filter is predominantly gone. That also means I have to be at class in under seven hours. Snap!) So we've had a substitute. At first, he qualified for basically every gym teacher/coach stereotype. A little overweight, not dealing with middle age well, dressed in workout attire...always. But it turns out he's got a few screws entirely missing.

The first day he was our instructor he said, "So who wants to take attendance and just go home?" Maybe it was because I had only been up for approximately 15 minutes, or maybe I've just had some cool profs before, but I actually thought he was serious. Apparently, so did most of the class, as we almost all raised our hands or gave a verbal affirmation. DENIED! We had to run a timed mile. Double Snap! After the mile, as we were stretching out, he proceeds to tell us a story about how his father died when he was fifteen, and he had to identify the body because his mother couldn't do it. He described the body as having, "a blueish tint, and the eyes were partially open. I remember it like it was yesterday." At this point we are all a little freaked out, but then he switches gears entirely and says, "but I turned out fine, and so did my family. And you know what, there are people with much sadder stories than mine. So you guys should be glad that you woke up this morning." He did everything but teach at an exclusive all-boys prep school and say, "Carpe Diem." Which I think means Seize the Carp or something. I never much understood that.

Yeah, so he's was a little weird. But he redeemed himself afterwards. First, he said, "Look, at least you aren't doing aerobics like those nerds over there." That was pretty funny. Then he turned to the kid that ran the mile really fast and asked him if he was a long distance runner. "Man, those people are weird. You know the kind, go out and run 10 miles without breaking a sweat. Yeah, I don't like those people." So he at least has a sense of humor. Heck, this morning he mentioned that JFK hired his brother as the Attorney General, having never tried a case in his life. Of course, the cross-county guy piped up and said, "Well, the Attorney General doesn't try any cases anyway." To which he responded, "Well, you don't have to get shitty about it. I guess someone didn't have his coffee this morning." Of course, we all thought it was funny, and he did his best to make sure the kid knew that he was just messing around, but we all know that kid was crying on the inside...

I could keep going on about this...but class is now in 6 1/2 hrs...so I better be going.

We'll just call this a "to be continued" episode (I always hated that).

Thought for the day...er...month

I am officially declaring it Befriend the Janitor Day! (Don't mean to steal this blog's thunder.)

Seriously, the next time you see the janitor cleaning the bathroom or picking up trash at school, or work, introduce yourself, and thank them for doing the stuff that no one in their right mind would do. You can't be all right in the head if you are willing to clean bathrooms that boys use. Especially on their salaries. So say thanks, and smile and ask how their day is going. They'll lie, because they're janitors, but they'll appreciate the sentiment.

Ok, folks, it's been way too long. I have a recital to be at in approx. 10 minutes, but I will have a post up later today.

(Thanks for the encouragement Faz).